Again Michelle has asked some great questions. I’ll respond, and I’m hoping some readers will share their insights, further questions, and/or stories as well. There’s a wealth of wisdom in this on-line community.
Michelle writes:
I think that now some of my questions have been answered, but what I previously was burning to know about was how often I’d be able to communicate with her, not many websites openly discussed this (although yours did, thank you). But, there are some questions that have not been answered:
• I’ve always known my sister by her birth name, what is the approach that most places take when it comes to the family? Are we to try our best to call her by her new name or is it okay if we still call her by her birth name?
• Will she get health insurance and life insurance? If she has a serious medical need that pops up while at the convent, will she be able to receive prompt and adequate medical care? (She plans on not being cloistered).
• I want to thank you profoundly for understanding the difficulty that my sister and I are going through in terms of the future, not many understand the closeness of our relationship. We are the best of friends, and I’m having a hard time imagining losing that closeness. Yes, I’ll still get to see her, but I’m afraid that we will no longer be best friends, that she’ll have readymade best friends in her convent and I will have to find another person to be my confidant. Yet even if she didn’t want to become a nun I think this is something that I would still struggle with. Obviously this isn’t something that you can easily answer, but I’m telling you this so that you know what my biggest fear is, and maybe others can relate.
• There are all of these great opportunities for the discerning to go on retreats with the particular order they are looking at, would it be okay if I went just to truly get a feel for where my sister will be spending the rest of her life? Are there any open houses or retreats for the discerning and their families? I think that would help quell the fear and get many questions answered as well as help the families to truly taste what their daughter’s life will be like and to work out any lingering issues that need to be addressed.
Thank you for taking the time to answer all of my questions, I appreciate your dedication to this website, it has really been a blessing for me!
Michelle
Dear Michelle,
And I appreciate your passionate and honest questions. I must respond first to your concern that your sister and you will not be best friends any longer and that she will instead have ready made best friends in the convent. Although your sister will gradually establish good friendships among the sisters, they will never substitute for your deep bond. I always refer to my sister as my best friend. As you said, your sister’s entrance into religious life will necessitate change and growth in your relationship, much as it would if she got married. Change, not diminishment. You and your sister are very fortunate.
I rather like your idea of bringing a serious discerner’s family to the convent for a “Come and See.” Actually that often happens rather informally (cutting down the angst a bit). They might come for a tour or an event or just come in to talk with the vocation director together.
What’s in a name? A lot! In more traditional communities sisters do receive a new name when they receive the habit and enter novitiate. The new name symbolizes their taking on a new life dedicated to God. Although families try to respect that new name, practically speaking they most often use the familiar birth name. In other communities like the IHMs sisters keep their Baptismal names. As we studied the Vatican II documents we were enlivened by understanding the primacy of our Baptismal call. We recognize religious life as one way of living out our foundational Baptismal call to live the Gospel of Jesus.
Your concerns about medical insurance and swift medical care can be answered easily by “Yes” and Yes.” No sister would be left without health insurance.
Again, Michelle, thanks for your questions. You and your sister and your family are in my prayers.
